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Around the Dinner Table Forum Recent Threads

New to FBT - need adviceOpen in a New Window

New to FBT therapy. What do we do when our daughter refuses the meal we made & instead makes her own? Or when she refuses food & leaves the room?


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


San Diego Skills-Based Peer Support GroupOpen in a New Window

This was on the ATDT facebook page -

 This is a collaboration with Project HEAL and the idea is that if this goes well, it will spread to other cities. This is open to ANYONE -- no matter where they are being treated and is supported by materials based on evidence-based practice. Please help spread the word via social media!



'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


Flu like symptoms Result of re-feedingOpen in a New Window

Help. My D is almost 4 weeks into re-feeding. She has been doing well - eating everything. Today she is shaky, headache, complains that her throats feels like it is closing and all food makes her want to vomit. (No purging so far for her). Still eating what is presented.

Could this be a normal part of refeeding?.

Further more - what if it is the flu!?!? No fever yes but she is very tired and pale. I hate forcing her to eat if she is really sick. Hheeelllllpppppp!!!


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


First day of discharge and bombarded by negative behaviors from her sisterOpen in a New Window


Just a forewarning: this is a little long!

My 14 year old daughter is recovering from ARFID. We've been at UCSD for 10 weeks and discharged yesterday. It was a joyous occasion because she has made so much progress since she first started the program (we've been battling her ED, anxiety, and depression for years at several different programs previously).

Her older half-sister (age 23) who lives about 2 hours away, has had an anorexia for quite some time, but neither of her parents admit it and she doesn't want to get help. Sister is happy with her ED. Sister wanted to celebrate and take my daughter out shopping for her birthday, so she drove to our town. The entire afternoon, Sister had negative eating disorder behaviors. She restricted and refused to eat, she talked about how much weight she was losing by not eating, she spoke about major body issues calling herself fat, even handed my daughter a bottle of diet pills and took some in front of her.

We all know that even though our kids get discharged, they aren't completely healed. Then her sister goes and does all these things. When I mentioned to Sister that these behaviors are not okay to do in front of my daughter, she dismissed it by saying "Well I have an eating disorder too, so it's no big deal... it's okay".

So at the end of the day, my daughter asked to talk to me and we discussed how triggering the day was and she agreed: We've decided that in order to help my daughter recover instead of relapse, that Sister shouldn't be around my daughter until she gets herself some help. I know I can't do anything to help with her half-sister. Separating the sisters is a horrible thing. But I think this is the right thing to lower the risk of relapse. I guess I'm just looking for some validation that this drastic move was the right thing to do to help with my daughters recovery.




'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


Fast for charityOpen in a New Window

Hi all,

I was annoyed last night when I discovered ( quite by accident) ,that the scout group my S is a member of,is doing a sponsored fast on Easter Saturday in aid of Scouts.

They are to be given the sponsor forms tonight.

I only found this out yesterday as we help out with the kids sometimes (was a leader when kids small), so I still get the emails with the agenda of whats on each week.

I am really annoyed & upset for many reasons.

1/ the chief of the group is aware of my S condition.
2/she never told me, I found out by mistake.
3/ I do NOT agree with kids age 11-16 going on 24 hour fasts for charity, Scouting should know better.
4/ a letter should be sent home in advance, parents should decide & talk to their kids & a permission / or not!! Slip returned.
5/ it should not even come to this , Fasts for charity are at best ridiculous , & at worst can be  very dangerous for kids.

Uuuuggggghhhh Sorry for the rant I am fuming.

Anyway I mulled it over, grasped the nettle & told my AN Son.
I obviously told him that he wont be doing it ( to cut a long story short), & to ignore any reference to it tonight.

Then I had to speak to non ed twin.
I told him he couldn't do it & why. He said "Mum, I would not do it anyway, I would  not be without my food for anyone" Then non Ed kid said, "look Mum, in school we regularly get asked to do sponsored fasts & I just am Not interested anyway".
So Ed Son must also be subjected to that pressure/ potentially triggering events in school too. As if it isn't hard enough!
Its outrageous!!


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


Heart Breaking! What to do?Open in a New Window

Hello, I have silently been following and reading posts over the last couple of months and have to say a big thank you to all on this forum for sharing your stories and those who have given their advice.  It has given me greater insight to my D's ED.  I have used the resources available on this website to educate myself further on what she is going through.  I thank you all as well as the administrators of this site for their time.

Our story!  As I've learned, it's not only my D's story but my family's story.  My daughter has suffered from major depression and anxiety for a long time but officially diagnosed about 5 years ago.  She is now 20.  The first signs were when she was having difficulty sleeping but there I believe she was hiding many of her symptoms initially until she admitted to us that she was self harming.  In terrified panic we took her to emergency where we were horrified to hear that she had thoughts of suicide.  She was admitted to a public psychiatric hospital where she was mainly sedated rather than treated.  

After 4 weeks or so she was discharged and then had several admissions to a private psychiatric hospital over 2-3 years, trying different medication and receiving ECT.  Our D had several attempts at suicide over these years ending with a near fatal attempt and ending up in ICU for a week with us wondering whether she'd make it or not.  After she recovered she was on no anti-depressants etc for about six months.  It was almost like a miracle.  Something had reset in her brain with this trauma and she was 'normal'.  But slowing signs of depression started to come back and she restarted anti-depressants.  Self harm and suicide attempts started again also which ended up with several visits to emergency departments.  During this period she was sexually assaulted.  This was the trauma that bought the underlying ED to a head.  Through high school there had be underlying issues that weren't obvious to us until later.

AN was diagnosed after she finally realised she needed to go to GP as she had heart pain and was feeling faint.  She was admitted for three weeks where I tried to get her admitted to a private psychiatric hospital which had an ED unit.  Once physically stable she was transferred but 'freaked out' on admission, 'formed' and discharged to our care.  
Without treatment she continued to loose weight again and her health deteriorated so I took her back to emergency.  They could barely get a BP and she had a tachy heart.  She was again admitted and tubed and discharged after 6 weeks.    These ED admissions were last year in 2016.

This year she is on her third admission to the private psych hospital for her AN but she discharges herself before she reaches the desired BMI.  Last time (about 3 weeks ago) she was well on the road to reaching a 'good' maintenance weight/BMI but discharged herself.  The trauma from the SA keeps awakening each time she reaches a cognitive level where she can start processing and dealing with this and this challenges her too much being the reasoning behind her wanting to discharge.  This time she had weekly appointments set up with GP, dietitian and psychologist.  All was going well for three weeks and it all started falling apart again.  

Our D is now is now in psych hospital being treated for ED as she started self harming and had suicidal ideation and had stopped eating. After a week she is again wanting to discharge as it becoming too challenging.  She just wants to come home.  The 'team' are doing their best to encourage her to stay but she just keeps wanting to leave.  As she is over 18 she can make  this decision for herself.  I have indicated that I can't guarantee her safety at home as we both work and not home during the day.  Even so, one of the last self harms occurred while we were at home anyway.  

I really don't know what to do or say anymore.  I am burnt out, exhausted.  I feel that there will never be an end to this.  I don't know what to say to her anymore.  I am doing my best to see that my D is separate from the ED and love her to no end and will do anything I can but hate how the ED has such control over her.  It's difficult to talk to other people as unless they've been in this situation, they don't truly understand and really I don't want to burn out from family and friends too.  My husband is extremely good support but we are both at the same stage.  At a total loss and totally helpless.  

I know so many of you have been here before and and still going through it.  I just feel the need to vent, to look for support or take any advice you may have to offer.  

Thank you all so much.  


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


Anxiety, Depression, Fatigue with FBT, and a Spring Break Trip?Open in a New Window

Hi, everyone.  I'm new here.  My 14 year old daughter was diagnosed with anorexia in November and spent 2 1/2 weeks in a residential program and we've been doing FBT.  Overall she has been very compliant and eager to get well.  

We're in phase 2 of FBT now.  We go to family therapy for FBT once a week and she meets with an individual counselor.  We are connected to an excellent program.  

She's also  struggled with anxiety and depression and this week we realized that is getting really bad again and the meds need to be re-evaluated.  We have an appointment on Monday.  

Last week she was really furious at our appointments.  She is SO sick of doing the whole program and feels she is cured.  She's in her weight range goals but only for a short time.  

She is scheduled to go on an 8th grade class trip to Washington DC and New York City over spring break which starts a week from today.  Last night we went to the 90 minute meeting for the trip- 200 kids plus adults in an auditorium and by the end she got very overwhelmed with the crowd and needed to get out of there.

I'm worried that the trip is a mistake.  She's going to be around crowds of people all the time on this trip and that can be a big trigger for her anxiety.  I'm talking to chaperones about all of this and there is one chaperone who is a close friend of mine who can be there for her if she needs support.  

Just wondering if I'm putting her in the worst situation possible.  I've given her an out and said she doesn't have to go on the trip if it's too stressful but she really wants to do it.  I told her I don't care at all about the money, etc.  

And, I'm worried that all of this will trigger her eating disorder, too.  

I'm not looking for you to tell me she should or shouldn't go.  Her dad and I and the professionals will work through it with her.  

But, have you had similar experiences????  
Words of comfort, wisdom???


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


Return to School?Open in a New Window

We are almost 6 weeks since diagnosis.  12 yo D is at home after 4 weeks IP. She has been gaining weight but is not weight restored with about 10 pounds to go.   We had a nice first few days home but are now under constant assault from her ED,  it is full time anger, grief and hate.  She is eating every meal and snack with some resistance.  The real fury comes afterwards.  Her behaviour is downright strange teetering between glum and morose to fidgety restless and frantic.  Lots of standing, jumping and racing around the house, running out the door for private walks etc.

Her T has suggested she is ready to return to school starting next week. Convenient timing as its the end of spring break and an easy return time. Part of me thinks this a good idea so she has some distraction.  The rest of me wonders if she is too deep into her illness to be out of my sight for any length of time at all.  (She would have meal support at school through a designated teacher).

Thank in advance for your comments and advice.


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


Scary Healthcare planOpen in a New Window


Just read this in the NY Times regarding the bill President Trump is trying to get through congress for healthcare in the US:

"President Trump had agreed to many of the demands that the most conservative House Republicans had made, including ending requirements that health insurance plans provide a basic set of benefits like maternity care, emergency services, mental health and wellness visits."

This bill is going to be voted on soon. If you feel that these things will negatively impact your loved one and your family then it is a good time to get on the phone and call Congressional Representatives and Senators or write to the White House and express your opinion. 



'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


AVOIDANCEOpen in a New Window

Hi all

We've been at this journey a long time (5 years & counting) and although my d's eating remains disordered (solitary & limited range of foods) she is maintaining her weight. FBT did not work for us.

My concern is mostly her avoidance now. From reading around the forum, I note that we are not alone.

During the worst of our journey, my d remained hyper focused on school & grades and continued to excel (common story here too.) She went to a top university close to home and began with great hope and cheerfulness. She gained weight, looked and acted much like her old self. Continued to gain weight - really too much weight for her, I believed - became depressed, and dropped out of school (Her 4th semester.) Note - I am not saying that the weight gain caused depression. That was a year ago. She has since lost weight and now hovers between and healthy weight & a slightly too low weight.

She is attending community college but has been missing classes and I think probably failing. She refuses treatment of any kind. Isolates herself from friends & family.

We've been letting her be to a great extent (mostly because any intervention on our part resulted in her running away). Anyway, our patience is waning and we are beginning to lean in. 

This is my very long-winded way of asking: Have you dealt with avoidance? And, if so, any advice? It is such a tough nut to crack. Especially when I'd like to avoid the whole thing too!

Thanks, all.


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


Moderator FarewellOpen in a New Window

Some of our moderators have moved on to other things. Some more recently and some a little while ago. I would just like to offer a big thank you to Colleen, Irish up, Stayingwithit, Iaminspired, and Goingtobeatthis, and EB for all their great work on the Moderator team. Some of them are still with us in other roles, others have had other things to move on to. 


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


How do you stop them serving their own food?Open in a New Window

So here's the scenario: I've plated my D's dinner, she stays in her bedroom and won't come down (and before you say take it up to her bedroom, that doesn't work for her. We've tried. There are more opportunities for her to hide food in there). Two hours later she finally comes down, so I reheat her dinner. But instead of eating it, she takes an apple from the fruit bowl. I say it's great she wants an apple, but she needs to have her dinner first. She ignores me and starts eating the apple. I say fine then, have the apple first, but then she has to have her dinner. She eats the rest of the apple and storms off. Lunchtime is slightly different but similar; she plates her own food in accordance with her meal plan, which would be fine, except when she's missed the two previous meals she's supposed to have extra for lunch.
I don't know what to do. Physically restrain her? I could try, but I can't plate her food and hold her at the same time, and in any case, she's probably stronger than me. Put locks on the kitchen door? I've thought about it, but it would be an extreme measure which would disrupt the rest of the family, and wouldn't stop her getting her own food once she was downstairs. Put locks on cupboards? We haven't got room in our cupboards to keep all the food - the fruit bowl and bread bin have to be out. 
She was doing so well for a month after discharge, but now the ED thoughts and behaviours are back with a vengeance, and I really don't know how to manage them. As I've mentioned in previous posts, LSUYE doesn't work for her - when she goes downhill she has no meaningful life to speak of anyway. It's been a year since she's been in normal school, and when her ED thoughts are strong she'd rather not eat than see her friends. Hobbies have all fallen by the wayside. 


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


Older sibling angry and being mean to D with ED- basically losing toleranceOpen in a New Window

Has anyone encountered issues with siblings losing patience and compassion for their sisters/brothers with an ED? If so, how did you manage it?

I have 4 girls ranging in age from 11- 17 with my second D being the one with an ED. My older D (who sis in her final year of school and working hard) has been struggling with seeing how much time I need to devote to propping up my D with an ED and is starting to get angry and saying nasty things to her sister. This in turn makes the D with the ED really upset and negative. Unfortunately they share a room so there isn't anywhere to hide. The younger girls try to ignore the ED as much as possible but it does impact on the time I have to spend with them too. Any tips from those who have moved past this time? We are really close to moving to Phase II of FBT.

Thanks in advance for your help.


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


Question about my right to know about daughter's treatmentOpen in a New Window

Hello all,does anyone know at what age a child can take charge of their own treatment?I have a 13 year old daughter who just started a partial program yesterday and on her first day she had to sign a release so the facility could talk to my husband and myself.We are in PA and the center is in NJ,I know here in PA at 14 she must ok for me know about her doctors but I am confused because then why is 18 considered legal age? My husband and I both told her today never sign anything without us looking g it over first,but she got nasty and said she will sign what she wants.I tried to explain that not everyone is up front and forthcoming but she has no life experience like we adults do.How do I find out the laws and make sure she can't make her own decisions?


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


Half way W/R and started bingeing?Open in a New Window

Hi, I have been reading a lot, but this is my first time posting in hopes to get good advise. My D is14 and now half way into WR. It is getting a little easier with magic plate, but still a lot of issues with restricting. Last night and once last week D couldn't stop eating a whole container of this coconut milk ice cream puffs. She was telling me how she couldn't believe she ate the whole thing and said that she is afraid that she doesn't know how to stop and afraid of developing binge eating disorder. I am so used to her restricting herself and I told her that she would never develop binge eating, that her body is sending her cues that she needs more food, that it's ok to sometimes eat this way, that everybody does it sometimes and that she probably need more food spread out through the whole day and not just a lot of food at night. I am not sure though what to do about it, scared that D might get scared and start purging( which she's never done so far). She told me yesterday that she is constantly thinking about food. Any suggestions?...


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers

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