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does my son have edOpen in a New Window

i have been concerned about 16y/o son since march. he was around bmi 21 and started eating healthy, refusing junk food, showing distress when eating out.

he may be counting calories/weighing food. summer camp called us and concerned he was purging.

i took him to camhs and he is bmi 18 or 19, though i think he has lied to the dr. continues to restrict intake & refuses to discuss subject with me.

does my son have an eating disorder? he is back to camhs in two weeks for weigh-in. what do i do if he has dropped weight?

what abt the school year? he is moving in with dad and i will not be around on weekdays. should i b concerned?


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


Recommended reading or notOpen in a New Window


I'm new to this but I have been reading lots

My d is 18 and same as a lot of the stories I've read started off Vegan then cutting out this and that then pushing out meal times until not really eating much at all

Then obsessing about everything

She is a dancer so obviously you can't keep up if not eating properly

I'm following advise what I've read on the site 3 healthy meals and snacks taking away phone computer car if not eating

Anyway my other daughter has found a book but Im not sure if she should read it and wanted to know if anyone else know of it and thinks it's a good read for sufferes of ED

Mastering your mean girl by Melissa Ambrosini it's just some of the books I've read have cautioned not to let the sufferer read it



'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


patient to patient helpOpen in a New Window

Is there anyone here who has a daughter in her 20s who is quite healthy now and not thinking about her ED any more? My d would like to write with an ex-patient who could give her some more hope than I can give her. She is weight restored for 2 months now and in phase 3 and doing very well, but she is afraid that the rest of her ED thoughts (about her body image, about the calorie numbers she has in her head and so on) will never leave her brain. She would like to talk to someone who is really recovered and not thinking about AN any more to see that this is really possible. I know that most recovered ED patients donĀ“t want to talk about that any more - so is there an exeption?
If there is anybody who wants to contact us, please click on my name above and send me an email.


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


Update - 18 in 3 days' time...Open in a New Window

I know I haven't been around here for a very long time, though you have all been often in my thoughts.

Our beloved d will be 18 this Friday. She is still in hospital, but after 5 months in the adolescent PICU (Psychiatric Intensive care Unit) where they have kept her fed (100% NG fed including meds, with restraint) and safe (managing multiple ligatures every day etc) she has to transition to adult services and move to an adult ward. Despite our CAMHS team's best efforts at starting the transition process back in the spring, here we are on the brink with no placement in place and a d with stress levels through the roof even more than normal.

We know phone conferences have taken place, referrals sent off, NHS managers and commissioners on the case, but as far as we understand those places which haven't turned down the referral because of the significant SH risk and might possibly take her have waiting lists of 6-12 months. The adult PICU in the same hospital won't take her because of the dynamic of their current patients. 

We feel strongly that wherever she goes needs to be able to actively treat her severe AN and her emergent personality disorder; we live in fear that if they can find her a bed, it may well not meet all her needs and become just another "holding bay" rather than actively supporting and treating her. 

Adding to her stress is the fact we've been told it's likely she will have to move on her birthday for "technical" reasons ie they can't have an "adult" on an adolescent ward and an adult ward can't have an adolescent for safeguarding reasons. To us that seems brutal and inhuman - it is bad enough to be in hospital for her birthday (again), but to have to spent the day in transit and then in an unfamiliar setting rather than at least with staff and patients she knows...just writing this makes the tears come, sorry! 

I'm sure many of you here have experienced similar situations - I'd be grateful for any thoughts/advice on getting through the coming days.

Sending love and hugs to you all,



'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


"Trigger foods" & is she really getting better?Open in a New Window

Its been a bit since I posted here.  My daughter is anorexic.  We are working at home towards weight restoration.  We see a psychiatrist once a week at the children's hospital here.
As we work towards weight restoration I have been feeding my daughter 'safe' foods along with shakes and replacing with boost when necessary.
I am starting to feel that the menu is redundant and realize just how much we having been preparing and serving the same meals so that she doesn't end up back in the hospital (she was hospitalized back in Feb. for 6 weeks).
It makes me feel that the eating disorder is hiding. That it is right under the surface.  That all of this time we have been avoiding certain foods and it has given the ED some power.  
I started today by introducing one 'trigger food', cheese!
It wasn't the best experience for the both of us but she ended up eating it.
Does anyone have experience with safe foods and concentrating first on getting their son/daughter out of the medically dangerous zone?


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


Podcast - treating the trigger vs treating eating disorderOpen in a New Window

This podcast is WELL WORTH A LISTEN....enjoy


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


Help still getting no whereOpen in a New Window

I am so disgusted with treatment - we have been to 5 providers now and nothing is working. 2 years 8 months WASTED, over 200 days in residential places, 2 in patient stays, over 1 year in PHP IOP.

My daughter has something else going on, when WE decided to take her off gluten she started gaining weight, slowly but without physical pain. She has been to a GI doctor twice and an allergist and they insist she doesn't have a gluten allergy, they say it's her eating disorder talking. My daughter does not want to be gluten free, she is not in denial that she has Anorexia, she wants help instead of everyone treating her like it's psychological, we visit her daily at the inpatient hospital and she's fine some days and doubled over in pain other days. There is something else going on and no one will address it. She was doing pretty good a year ago at 115, struggling but going to school and attending all her out patient therapy and doctor appointments since her relapse on Dec 23 because of a doctors stupid mean comments to her, she had failed ever since and has never been able to get above 110 this year and most of the year had been between 97-103 which is absurd and I can't get her out of these doctors clutches, they have a cash cow of great insurance and are destroying my daughter psychologically. I have her ready to go to Veritas collaborative in NC because it was highly recommended here but how do I make that happen?

It's 10 hours away and they won't let her out. Any ideas what next?

Has anyone heard about Yale New Havens inpatient unit? Is there any good options closer to Connecticut that someone can recommend?

Any ideas what is wrong with my daughter, besides being underweight and anorexic? She has always had bad bouts of stomach pain when she was very young long before ED, we thought it might be a lactose intolerance. I myself was allergic to milk when I was a baby and I had s soy formula.

She used to be constspated once in awhile when she was 5-7 yrs old and it would pass and we would lay off milk and ice cream for a few days. But now they just pile it on more because she's losing weight and want to force her to comply.


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


D forced feed by a non-doctor and non-parentOpen in a New Window

My youngest D is in college in a different country and as I said on a previous post, we think her ED may be back. Her ex-boyfriend is the one who told me about it.

So, he's been cheking her food intake and last night, after realizing she hadn't eat for the entire day he decided to force feed her. He locked her in her dorm and said she wouldn't be able to leave until she eated the whole meal. When she said she wouldn't he became violent and tried to hold her and physically force her. I do understand that sometimes we lose our minds with EDs, but I think he crossed a huge boundarie. My husband thinks he's just trying to take care of her and that I should be grateful, but for me that's terrible. He has no right to do that.

She was only able to go out when a friend called someone responsible. Are are some opinions you may have?


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


Are you using real FBT?Open in a New Window

Following on from the excellent podcast on New Plates about Maudsley myths I was wondering how many here are actually using manualised Family-Based Treatment as per Drs Lock and Le Grange. 

Here in Australia FBT is offered in multiple sites, but it is not always offered by mental health professionals as per the podcast, for example some are dietitians or nurses. I understand the same occurs in the UK and also Canada and I suspect New Zealand. 

We were offered FBT but CYMHS (Child and Youth Mental Health Services) well into our journey, but it was not offered by a group who had done the full training. I have attached a copy of the clinician resource pack used by this group which alludes to many of the features of FBT. 

We also attended a Trained to Treat provider of FBT but for various reasons that did not get off the ground either. 

We have mostly done treatment with teams supportive of FBT but not actually done it. 

Many have done home re-feeding again with features of FBT but not at all had the support of the full treatment program. 

Please consider listening to the Podcast before your vote in the poll. 


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


Maudsley MythsOpen in a New Window

This is the latest podcast from Laura Collins.
I just love these podcasts, but this one is especially great...enjoy.


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


terrible article in Irish mediaOpen in a New Window

Hi all, 
I am posting this article, as it is typical of the type of response/article that Bodywh@y's ( The national charity ) produce. 
If you read the article and read through their website, it is more of the same.

This is the Irish version of BEAT. 

Not once is Food mentioned as the medicine, and nor was it mentioned that it is a brain illness.
The people in these places are so out of date that its scary, and really winds me up....
I have made contact about this sort of thing to them before, but got no reply.
I fail to understand why these people or in fact anybody from Ireland in the ED profession would not be at ICED or at the Carers conf etc....
Feel free to email them or facebook or twitter to advise them of their outdated ideas!!!!


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


Constant body checking and therapist recommendationOpen in a New Window

Hi. My D is 14 and WR for a few month. We have more good days now than bad. One of the biggest problems is her poor body image. She had that even before the AN, but not as bad as now. She is constantly body checking herself. T says she needs to stop this compulsion and it would help with body obsession. She understands it, but can't do it. We live in Los Angeles and I would like to find good therapist for her to help with self esteem and body image. Not FBT as we have a good one. And maybe some advise how to help her.. as she is so sad and unhappy.


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


The value of long sessions and intensive family conversations with an educatorOpen in a New Window

I am now in a fortunate position of having a daughter who is living a life without ED being the constant driver. To get the basics of our story read the attached PDF that Michael P Levine helped me to develop into a 15 minute presentation for the ANZAED confernce in Fremantle in 2014.

I read with very strong interest the posts of those with off spring experiencing long duration of illness. We too experienced a long duration of illness especially the first six years then a huge relapse hit. Luckily for us I found a mother who had experienced significantly worse than us that was played out for many to see on Australian Televison. Fortunately this mother now enjoys a life beyond the eating disorder which consumed their family's life for many years and enjoys having her daughter's children, her grandchildren to be in her life. I am for ever greatful that this mother was able to spend time with our family educating us in her home then travelling across Australia from the east coast to us on the west coast (4.5 hours flying time each way) to our home to visit us and educate us and our daughter.

Looking back on those times with this mother and comparing how she helped us to the work of USCD & the Centre for Balanced Living (CBL) I see many parallels and similarities with what happens at CBL. The shortest session we had with this mother was 5 hours. When we visited her in Melbourne we did 7 days with her over a 9 day period with the shortest time again 5 hours with some as long as 7 hours. When she travel across Australia to our home in Perth the shortest time with us was 5 hours with one special & crucial day being nearly 12 hours.

These times were not therapy times they were education times. This mother taught our daughter about what was impacting on her and what would help to stop it while at the same time teaching us the same thing. Over some nearly 18 months this mother travelled across Australia to visit us 9 times (about 9 hours flying time for the round trip) and provided an education and experience we could not have obtained via the standard one hour therapy sessions. A couple of times that was a round trip on the same day with about 7 hours with us making it a 20/21 hour day from door to door for her.

We were fortunate that this mother was not huge on expensive travel costs.

So my reason for this post is that our story to recovery of our daughter required a heap of time and intensive and long duration education for our daughter, us as a family and as each individual. If you can find this type of intensive long duration education for yourself & your loved one go for it with every resource you can muster it saved our daughter and ourselves.

Our special educator has now moved on from eating disorder education to live a life with her family especially her recovered daughter without eating disorders any where near them.


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


D may be relapsing after 8 yearsOpen in a New Window

I know it may sound selfish, but I don't think I can go through all of this again. At the age 12, ny D had severr anorexia, and after years of doctors and hospitals, she recovered. She started to have a good life, with friends and social life. At the beggining of this year, she went to study abroad with her older sister, and everything seemed okay.

So, this morning, her now ex-boyfried (She met him at school) sent me a message saying she was relapsing. When I talked to her, she said he was just not being able to deal with the end of the relationship and that she was okay. But the things is, she does look too skinny and she 's always at parties (He said she has drunkorexia, or somethibg like that) I didn't even know that was somethibg.

My older D said she is okay and she is just having a good time, but they are really close and even on her worse days, her sister would still take her side. I tried to call the school, but the problem is that they don't speak much english. What I could understand is that she has been skipping a lot of classes and that last week she got in a fight, because apparently, they were supposed to read each other's assigment and give grades. And she was not only late with the work, but she gave some girl's a poor grade while drunk, and the girl didn't take too well. Her ex-boyfriend said she's going to parties and getting drunk everyday and that she refuses to eat. And that she's back on counting calories. She said that she told him about what she used to do (not with drinks of course) and he's just playing dirty.

I really wanna believe her, but anorexia lied to me so many times. And now that she's so far, me and her father just doesn't know what to do anymore.


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers


oh god it's happening....Open in a New Window

daughter just went from residential (after hospital) to php day program on Weds. It's Friday and she refused afternoon snack and then dinner and then evening snack. What to do? Trying to remain calm, non-confrontational, pushing a bit, etc. just tucked her into bed and told her tomorrow is a new day. How many meals can she skip without me freaking out and taking her to the ER? 24 hours? 48? Wait until Monday? I know I'm getting ahead of myself but I just am TERRIFIED. 
Friends of hers are supposed to come over tomorrow afternoon at her request. Do I cancel them if she won't eat anything beforehand? I don't know what to do. 


'Around the Dinner Table' Online Forum for Parents and Carers

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